it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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