i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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