I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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