you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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