I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize