I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
