her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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