Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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