Don't you send me to vm
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
