I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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