Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
