Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
