My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
