You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
