I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
