By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
