And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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