And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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