Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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