You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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