I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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