Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
