that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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