This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
