OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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