i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
