Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
