So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
