I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
