Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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