you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
