I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize