so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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