i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize