Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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