8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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