The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
