Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Oh god it's open bar.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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