i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
