didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
