and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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