I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
