I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
