Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
