Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
