Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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