You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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