Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
