ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
