I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
