Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
