He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
