Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
