The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
