I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
