I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
