Are we in a gay sports bar?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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