I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
