you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
