Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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