So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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